3 Lessons in Autism | Parenting a Young Adult

Parenting a young adult is an adjustment for any parent, but when your child has autism, the journey can be uniquely beautiful, stretching, and humbling. Parenting my son through this season has shaped my patience, perspective, and love in ways I never expected.

Here are three of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned along the way.

1. Supporting Autonomy Without Stepping Away Completely

When my son was younger, my role was to guide, protect, and advocate for him at every turn. I homeschooled him so he could access therapies and opportunities that fit his needs better than what was available in school. Now, my role has shifted. He still needs support, but in a way that honors his independence.

I’ve learned to be a coach more than a director. I let him try, succeed, and sometimes stumble while knowing I’m here if he needs me. It’s like keeping my fingers lightly on the pulse instead of holding the reins. My hope is for that balance to allow him to grow while still feeling the safety of my presence.

2. Redefining Success and Letting Go of Comparisons

Early in my parenting journey, I sometimes felt the weight of unspoken (and sometimes spoken) timelines. But I’ve learned that there’s no universal clock for growth or success.

My son’s path looks different, and that’s more than okay. His progress comes in steady, intentional steps, and those victories are worth celebrating. By focusing on who he is becoming instead of how quickly he gets there, I’ve learned to treasure the uniqueness of his journey.

3. Building Trust Through Honest Communication and Healthy Boundaries

One of the most powerful lessons we’ve learned together is the value of open, respectful communication. I want my son to know his voice matters, even when it means telling me I’ve missed the mark.

We talk about life, challenges, and boundaries in ways that help us understand each other better. This has not always been easy. In fact, sometimes it is outright challenging. My son has not always had strong examples of emotional health and communication from the men in his life, particularly from his own father. But then God did a thing and I met my current husband- a man who not only demonstrates a high emotional intelligence but also has deep empathy and understanding for those who operate a little differently. My husband has been an incredible partner in this, modeling patience and compassion that deepens the trust in our family. And his gentle, steady nature is essential in guiding my son in this season.

A Journey That Continues

These lessons are not boxes to check. They’re ongoing practices. Parenting a young adult with autism isn’t about having all the answers (I mean, is parenting ever?), but about walking alongside them as they find their own. Every step we take together, reminds me that growth is not measured only by milestones, but by the love, respect, and understanding we build along the way.

I'd love to hear from you! How has parenting reshaped your perspective? If you are parenting a child with specific needs, how have you been refined to be the parent your child needs you to be?