Remarriage | The Hard & Holy

A few weeks ago, while camping (something we do often) we tried out a new canopy tent my mom gave us. It attaches to the back of our SUV and acts like a little living room while we sleep in the back. Things started off great...

...until the rain came. Not just a sprinkle, but a full-on downpour.We quickly learned the canopy wasn’t water-resistant. There we were, drenched, trying to keep the water from pooling, with a very unhappy dog. The tension and stress were real. But instead of snapping at each other, we worked as a team to keep things together. It was us against the rain. And to be honest, we nearly lost.

But in the end, we made it! And we didn’t take our frustration out on each other. While I don’t want to relive that moment, it’s a perfect example of our teamwork. That sense of partnership and togetherness is what I hold onto during tough moments.

The most challenging moments I’ve faced since remarriage have come from confronting my own past- the emotions and instinctual responses that bubble up, rooted in the traumas of my childhood and first marriage. My husband didn’t cause those wounds, and I’m careful not to displace my pain onto him.

Healing is a lifelong journey, and I know I’ll be working on it for the rest of my life. These challenges haven’t shaken my faith; rather, they have deepened it. God’s grace and mercy are real and present in the midst of my marriage, especially when my husband and I meet one another where we need to be met.

We both bring our own baggage to the table, but somehow, we have

enough space on our shoulders to carry one another’s burdens.

We both bring our own baggage to the table, but somehow, we have enough space on our shoulders to carry one another’s burdens. When we miss the mark, we engage in healthy dialogue and we don’t let misunderstandings linger. We’re open and honest about grief, loss, and doubt. And when an emotion is tied to a past hurt, we acknowledge it so we can show up for each other without getting offended or misdirecting our pain.

Blending a family is hard. Very hard. Being a stepmom is, by far, the most challenging calling I’ve ever had (don't mishear that, my step-daughter is amazing...more on that another day). We do things differently than others might, but we’re aligned in our goals and work together to carve a new path through the mountains of life.

I experience God most powerfully in the peace I feel when I’m with my husband. It’s like the Spirit whispers to my heart, “You are safe.” That safety is something I’ve rarely known before. My childhood was difficult, and my first marriage was marked by pain, mean-spiritedness, lack of support, infidelity. But now, for the first time, I am truly partnered.

There is partnership. I am not subordinate, needing permission for the smallest things. When I have a goal, we talk about it, and I feel fully supported. That’s not to say we don’t challenge each other or call one another to grow. In fact, those moments are some of the most beautiful parts of our marriage.

I will also say that prayer is essential on this second-marriage journey, maybe in ways you won't except. I pray daily for my first husband and my husband’s co-parent. Like us, they are two broken people trying to make their own way. Those prayers help me keep a healthy perspective and don't allow the negative thoughts from settling in my mind.

Our remarriage story is nothing less than God’s redemptive work.

Our remarriage story is nothing less than God’s redemptive work. Two bruised-up souls, seeking healing in Christ, finding each other, and choosing to walk this path together. Our lives, plus the lives of our children, come together to form something far greater than the sum of its parts.

All marriage is hard, even the best ones have tension and struggle. Ours is no different. But we have learned to name the hard things out loud. We acknowledge struggles and then work together to come up with a plan. It’s us against the challenge, not us against each other. Remembering that we are a team is essential.

That is the hard and the holy in remarriage: the struggle and the grace intertwined.

If you’re walking a similar path or thinking about remarriage, I’d love to hear your story. How do you balance the challenges and the blessings? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s support one another in this journey.